Missing Home

I already told myself not to go back home to where i was born and raised not unless it is very important, but here i am now missing my very own country. I guess i cannot just simply say no to what i feel. No matter how i tried to resist not to think about it but still i cannot really deny it to myself that i am simply missing home and my beloved mother. Now that i became a mother myself, i fully understood that a mother always thinks of her kids even though the kids are grown and have their own family already. Well, i can relate to that now that i already have two kids of my own. There are a lot of times that i have been asking myself whether i am doing the right thing for my kids or not. Talking about disciplining and raising them in a proper way.

What's the proper way anyway? I am sure that every mothers like me has our own unique way of raising one own's children. So do i, but i must have got the ideas the way how i raise my kids from my dear mom. Each one of us has a lot of stories to tell about our mother and as for me, my mother is one true hero to us her children. It's not easy to raise a big family especially that she was the only one who raised us.

I don't consider my father that he raised us even though he was alive as i grew up because he was no use then. He got sick really bad, he had acute diabetes that made him paralyzed and not able to do what he supposed to do, to support the needs of his family. And besides, even before he got paralyzed, he didn't took an effort to do his responsibility to be a father to us his children. He was depending on my mom's business. He even told my poor hardworking mother that if and if her business will be bankrupt, he is going to leave his family. I was what, like nine or ten years old then? But i still remember those things, so fresh in my mind and it won't be erased as one of my bad memories.

But anyway, i am still hoping that i will see my ever dearest mother this year, i cannot simply go home nowadays because my son is going to school and every mothers who are living in a foreign country knows that there is only certain time to go back home, during summer time. I am really looking forward to it, i am really hoping for it. I will just cross my fingers and toes that my plan will push through. The picture below was taken last 2008 when i went home with my son... That was my son and my mother in the photo.